Job Duties for Cats

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My sister-in-law sent this to me last month! Hysterical!

Job Duties For Cats

BATHROOMS - Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit & stare.

DOORS - Do not allow any closed doors...in any room. To get the door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it's not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand half way in & out & think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow or mosquito season.

CHAIRS AND RUGS - If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it's as long as a human's bare foot.

HAMPERING - If one of your humans is engaged in any activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called helping, also known as hampering. Following are the rules for hampering:

  1. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.
  2. For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book--unless you can lie across the book itself.
  3. When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen, and then lay in human's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress.

WALKING - As often as possible, dart quickly & as close as possible in front of the human...especially on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, & when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

BEDTIME - Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around

LITTERBOX - When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.

HIDING - Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you and DO NOT come out for three or four hours under any circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, be nonchalant. The humans will cover you with love and kisses...and you probably will get a treat.

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About Cheryl

Enjoys crocheting, gardening, cats, NASCAR (especially Tony Stewart and Kyle Busch!), reading, photography, snorkeling in Kailua-Kona with sea turtles, Sizzler's Mega Bacon Cheeseburgers, hot and iced decaf coffee, dark chocolate, color (yarn, fabric), playing around with web technologies - not necessarily in that order! Still very much a beginner with quilting, knitting, and sewing. Donates crocheted lap blankets.

List maker, detail-oriented, organized, leans heavily toward perfectionism. ISTJ. Libra.

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About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Cheryl published on July 5, 2008 2:16 PM.

For Sale: Crochet and Cross-stitch Patterns, Leaflets, Books was the previous entry in this blog.

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Cat playing with strand of yarn.

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