February 2011 Archives

My heart broke

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My heart broke. And it is still broken. The Favorite, my Cleo died. In June 2010, she wasn't feeling well and had been moping around, not eating much for a day or two. Tests found a lump in her abdomen.

Cleo had surgery on July 5, but the lump was located where it couldn't be removed. The area had begun bleeding so the vet stopped the bleeding and sewed her up. After recovery, I was going to take Cleo home and spoil her for as long as she lived, was happy, and not in lots of pain.

However, two nights after the surgery while still in recovery at the vet's office, Cleo was having bloody diarrhea. The vet called me around 5:00am to ask permission to give Cleo a blood transfusion.

I didn't want her to suffer more. I had hoped she would be cured, and when that wasn't possible, I hoped she would recover from surgery and come home with me. But that didn't happen. The bloody diarrhea was a result of the bleeding lump in her abdomen. I elected to have Cleo "put to sleep" which the vet did the morning of July 8, 2010 after Bill drove me to the vet's office to say goodbye.

It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I still cry when I think about it.

I know I tried to help her by arranging surgery to remove the lump. But I caused her more pain. And I feel so bad about that. Guilty. Rationally, I know I was trying to help her - to save her - because I loved her. But in the end, she was in lots of pain. Caused by my decision.

If given the choice all over again, I would not have chosen surgery. I would have cuddled, loved, and spoiled her until she indicated it was time to go.

I miss her.

What have I been doing for the past 2 years?

Short answer: Not being creative. My creative juice dried up.

I haven't crocheted, quilted, sewed, knitted, or done any other type of craft.

Which pretty much explains why this blog hasn't been updated. Not much has been done to blog about.

So, what have I been doing? What's been going on in my life?

  • I've been reading a lot. Being creative was replaced with sticking my nose in books. It all started in, I think, January 2009. I read lots of vampire novels, including the Twilight series. My favorite is the Black Dagger Brotherhood series.

  • I've been watching lots of TV on our DVR (the ability to skip commercials is better than sliced bread), as well as TV shows and movies on Netflix DVDs.

  • A grandson was born to Bill's oldest son and his wife on May 24, 2010. More later.

  • My heart was broken in July 2010. More on this in the next post.

  • I was tested for and diagnosed with sleep apnea in January 2011. I began CPAP treatment a few weeks ago and am still getting used to it.

  • I bruised my tailbone by sitting too much. Sitting at work all day. Sitting 45 minutes twice a day commuting to and from work. Sitting on the couch at home all evening and all weekend. There was no injury that I'm aware of - unless the sitting so much irritated an old injury I don't remember.

    For months I had ignored the numbness in that area after sitting for long periods. Then, the numbness changed to pain.

    I've been seeing my chiropractor about once a week for a few weeks now, and am using a coccyx cushion at work and one in my car to sit on to relieve the pressure on my tailbone. I have a timer on my work computer that goes off every hour to remind me to stand for a minute or two, move around, and stretch. Now, instead of sitting on the couch, I spend more time laying on my back to relieve the pressure on my tailbone.

  • I still hate exercise. Too much sweating for not much effort. But I had begun exercising regularly (walking about 30+ minutes a day, for about 6 days a week) in spring 2010. But then my heart was broken and I didn't get into it again. And still haven't - even though I know I need to for my health, my comfort on vacations, my comfort walking to the corner store, etc.

Well, that's all on this for now…

Sketch of Cheryl

About Cheryl

Enjoys crocheting, gardening, cats, NASCAR (especially Tony Stewart and Kyle Busch!), reading, photography, snorkeling in Kailua-Kona with sea turtles, Sizzler's Mega Bacon Cheeseburgers, hot and iced decaf coffee, dark chocolate, color (yarn, fabric), playing around with web technologies - not necessarily in that order! Still very much a beginner with quilting, knitting, and sewing. Donates crocheted lap blankets.

List maker, detail-oriented, organized, leans heavily toward perfectionism. ISTJ. Libra.

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About this Archive

This page is an archive of entries from February 2011 listed from newest to oldest.

March 2009 is the previous archive.

April 2011 is the next archive.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.

Cat playing with strand of yarn.

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