My heart broke. And it is still broken. The Favorite, my Cleo died. In June 2010, she wasn't feeling well and had been moping around, not eating much for a day or two. Tests found a lump in her abdomen.
Cleo had surgery on July 5, but the lump was located where it couldn't be removed. The area had begun bleeding so the vet stopped the bleeding and sewed her up. After recovery, I was going to take Cleo home and spoil her for as long as she lived, was happy, and not in lots of pain.
However, two nights after the surgery while still in recovery at the vet's office, Cleo was having bloody diarrhea. The vet called me around 5:00am to ask permission to give Cleo a blood transfusion.
I didn't want her to suffer more. I had hoped she would be cured, and when that wasn't possible, I hoped she would recover from surgery and come home with me. But that didn't happen. The bloody diarrhea was a result of the bleeding lump in her abdomen. I elected to have Cleo "put to sleep" which the vet did the morning of July 8, 2010 after Bill drove me to the vet's office to say goodbye.
It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I still cry when I think about it.
I know I tried to help her by arranging surgery to remove the lump. But I caused her more pain. And I feel so bad about that. Guilty. Rationally, I know I was trying to help her - to save her - because I loved her. But in the end, she was in lots of pain. Caused by my decision.
If given the choice all over again, I would not have chosen surgery. I would have cuddled, loved, and spoiled her until she indicated it was time to go.
I miss her.